Investing Caffeine

Goldman Sachs in Talks to Acquire Treasury Department

September 11, 2009 at 4:00 am Leave a comment

Andy Borowitz from the Borowitz Report published an article a few months ago satirizing the ever increasing conspiracy theories being spread regarding Goldman Sachs’ (GS) role in the global financial crisis. Spearheading the scapegoating Goldman Sachs brigade is Matt Taibbi of Rolling Stone who wrote Inside The Great American Bubble Machine. Megan McArdle at The Atlantic has a detailed critique of Taibbi’s loose facts and outlandish generalizations.

 On a lighter note, here’s what Mr. Borowitz has to say about the Goldman Sachs/Treasury Department merger, with tongue firmly in cheek:

According to Goldman spokesperson Jonathan Hestron, the merger between Goldman and the Treasury Department is “a good fit” because “they’re in the business of printing money and so are we.” The Goldman spokesman said that the merger would create efficiencies for both entities: “We already have so many employees and so much money flowing back and forth, this would just streamline things.” Mr. Hestron said the only challenge facing Goldman in completing the merger “is trying to figure out which parts of the Treasury Dept. we don’t already own.” Goldman recently celebrated record earnings by roasting a suckling pig over a bonfire of hundred-dollar bills.

If Matt Taibbi is having difficulty coming up with some fresh new material, perhaps he could target some of these hotly debated areas of contention:  

• The 40 year anniversary of NASA faking the moon landing.
• The CIA assassination of John F. Kennedy and the 4^th shot from the “grassy knoll.”
• Crashed UFO aircraft remains stored at Area 51, Air Force base in Nevada.
• Elvis still alive.
• Paul McCartney actually dead.
• 9/11 terrorist attacks government cover-up.
• The creation of HIV/AIDS by the CIA.

If Bill Clinton can’t suppress sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky and Dick Cheney can’t hide the fact he shot someone in the face with a shotgun, I guess the Goldman crew is just better at pulling the wool over the eyes of 6.5 billion people…less one smart cookie, Matt Taibbi.

Wade W. Slome, CFA, CFP®

Plan. Invest. Prosper.

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Entry filed under: Financial Markets, Stocks. Tags: 9/11, Andy Borowitz, Bill Clinton, conspiracy, Dick Cheney, Elvis, Goldman Sachs, Matt Taibbi, Monica Lewinsky, Rolling Stone, Treasury Department.